


Afterthoughts

by Pseudo_L



Category: Versailles (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6215719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pseudo_L/pseuds/Pseudo_L
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Philippe is having a hard time dealing his feelings</p><p>Spoilers from episode 10 of Versailles</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afterthoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd and english is not my first language. So if you find anything wrong feel free to point it out.

Minette was dead.  
Henrietta was dead and nothing in the world would ease the pain it caused on Philippe.  
At first it all seemed like a nightmare, that once he woke up he would find Henrietta in their room, smiling and being gracious as she always was.  
Every time someone wished their condolences it felt like a punch in the gut, but he would not cry, not in public. Not because it was some part of a protocol, but because he was a private person when it came to prayers and mourning.  
He walked fast to his chambers, politely denying in small talk with the people who approached him.  
When he finally arrived at his chambers, he shut the door tight. It was like finally the reality hit him, and tears started flowing. His legs lost all their strength and he fell on the floor crying and bawling like a child.  
His heart ache in a way that it never did before, not even when his brother almost died of illness. It was a different kind of pain, a pain fill with guilt. Guilt for not loving her, guilt of not making her happy, guilt of the times he didn't treat her right. Guilt because they didn't love each other the they were supposed to. She loved his brother, and Philippe, he was incapable of loving any woman (at least in the way he loved the Chevalier) It was a marriage doomed from the start. At the beginning of their marriage he may have loved her only for a little time (at least he believed so) but the feeling quickly vanished. Henrietta was always Louis' there was no doubt about that, and meanwhile had found his Philippe (who was the cause of many of their problems).

Now that she no longer was alive, he found himself missing their little happy moments they spent together.  
He thought about their wedding, how marvelous she looked in her dress, how her sad smile somehow managed to light up to the whole room, in that moment he was truly in love with her. And she was (almost) all his. He always knew she would rather marry his brother, but like a true lady, she learned to pretend to love him and maybe love her in her own way. He thought about their wedding night together, their first night together, how nervous they both were. How kind she was to him when so nervous he almost couldn't perform. She didn't laugh at him in that moment and he would be forever grateful for that.  
He thought of the times they spent together talking about frivolous things like fashion, dance and etiquette. Those afternoons made him realize that they could be the best of friends if they weren't married.  
The was lost in thoughts, so lost he didn't notice he was no longer alone in the room.  
The Chevalier had knocked on the door and with no answer he came into the room. Philippe was sitting on the floor, rocking his body back and forth. His face was wet from the tears that fell from his icy blue eyes. Seeing Philippe like this hurt him, he could not stand to see him suffer. Not knowing what else he could do to ease his lover's pain he approached him and hold him into his arms. He did not share the same pain as Philippe but he still was affected by Henrietta's death. As much as he didn't like the woman, her only crime to his eyes was being Philippe's wife.

“She is dead.” that's all Philippe could say between sobs.  
“I know my love” The Chevalier whispered to Philippe's ear.  
“She is dead and I failed her.” there was despair and guilt in his voice.  
“My love, please, don't do this to yourself.”  
“I wasn't even able to love her...” 

The Chevalier didn't know what to say and just hold him tighter, to assure Philippe he wouldn't be going anywhere. He would be there for him with his arms open, no matter what. And he let Philippe cry as much as he needed to, and Philippe cried, he cried till his head hurt, till there were no more tears to shed and no more pain to feel. He cried till there were no more force left in his body. ending up falling asleep on his lover's arms.


End file.
